Mother's Day
We do not forget what changes us forever.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal--from a headstone in Ireland.As my birthday approached when I was a child, my Mom would often comment about how late Easter was the year I was born. As a child, I was not sure why she shared this information with me, but I knew it must be important so I placed it in one of those memento memory boxes that often gets lost in the clutter of the mind until something brings it out to be examined in a new light.
On April 17th of this year I had my annual mammogram. Due to scheduling availability, my appointment took place at a different office. Although I had shed a few tears that morning over missing my Mom, I simply told the technician I was fine when she asked how I was doing upon arrival. Why would I want to talk about the death of my mother with a stranger who I was only going to see for fifteen minutes?
While we were getting the necessary images we stuck to surface level chatter by talking about the weather. Unlike the previous days of sunny, unseasonably hot April weather, that day was chilly and rainy. Both of us preferred the sunshine over rain, but were hopeful that we would not have one of those unexpected returns to winter weather like we have had the past few years.
As we finished up, she plunged the conversation below surface level by commenting about how we had not had a Spring like this since 1973. She looked to be in her early sixties, so this statement immediately prepared me for a reason to follow as to why someone would remember the weather of a Spring from over fifty years ago. “I remember,” she continued, “because my Mom died in April of that year. I was only a little girl, but I remember the weather at her funeral and that it never got cold again after her funeral.” I was caught off guard; of all the stories that could have been told about this memory, I did not expect to hear a memory associated with a mother’s death. She said it so simply, no tears in her eyes nor a waver in her voice. My feelings are still raw at times when it comes to talking about my Mom’s death. Even with people I know. Therefore, I did not plunge below surface level with her. I let her jump back to explaining when to expect my results, and we said our goodbyes.
As I drove home, I thought about how long this woman has carried that detail surrounding her mother’s death, how often she has seen that Spring in her mind when she recalls the day she started living in a world with out her mother. I do not doubt her memory. When I think about the time surrounding my Mom’s death, her funeral, and those first few weeks of adjusting to life without her, I see the bluest skies with fluffy white clouds moving across them and colorful, bright leaves shining in the golden sun of a spectacular Fall.
For some reason the technician’s description of the weather around her mother’s death, brought up the memory of my Mom talking about Easter in 1976. I wanted to know the date; after all these years it finally mattered to me know why my Mom held this detail so closely with my birth. With the aid of Google, I learned that the date for Easter in 1976 was April 18th. One week and a day before my birthday.
I had never bothered to look up that date or to ask her why she had not forgotten it, because to me it seemed like a useless piece of information. However, I see now that detail was important to her, because my birth was special to her. It was an event that changed her life and certain details surrounding it were absorbed and tied into it. And never to be forgotten, because it was a mother’s memory of her child entering into her life.
Now, I carry a child’s memory of the day her mother’s death changed her life forever. Unlike my mother’s memories of my birth, mine are not permanently etched in my mind because of a joyous change. Although remembering her death and those days surrounding it move me to tears when I think or talk about them right now, I know there will come a day when I can easily describe the weather of the Fall of 2022 with some one I meet for the first time.
It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. ---Charles DarwinWhat’s been nourishing me this week…
The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Shulz, PhD. This study speaks to the importance of relationships in order to live healthier and happier lives. It is filled with stories of the multi-generational study, and applications for improving your relationships.
The other week I found a tube of lipstick that I hadn’t used in quite awhile, and got so many compliments when I started wearing it again—even from preschoolers when I was subbing! Cake Pop by LimeLife is my current lip obsession.
This week I got together with a few friends for a Tea Exchange Tea Party. We showed up with baggies of teas from our own tea stashes to exchange with each other so we could sample some new teas. It was a simple, fun way of getting together and we hope to do it each month. I got to try a scrumptious French Breakfast Muffin.
The makings of a great Tea Exchange Tea Party
